When Love Feels Out of Reach

Ki’Bok Coffee – SMA, MX

The need for love is primal. It is as much a part of the human design as breathing. It flows naturally in, around, and through us. It’s like air. It just is, and yet at times seems to elude us as though reserved only for some, those who manage to get it right or at least have an opportunity to try again and again while others move month after month and year after year inside the hunger for love. Many often wonder, what’s wrong with me?or I don’t think I’ll ever find love.

Perhaps you have been there. I know I have. I’ve sat in the seat of being single wondering when my time would come. When I would encounter a love long lasting, or shoot, just someone to date. Having the attention of an interest serves to enliven even if the road is short leading to a dead-end. At least there was a moment of laughter and intrigue, some time spent engaging inside the attempt to experience love. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my share of trial and error without much time passing, yet any period of waiting could feel as though a lifetime had passed. This is the way of the journey of intimate love. This is the ebb and flow, and the rise and fall until that time comes when the door again opens, and we tiptoe over and peek our head in to see if it’s for real.

Love doesn’t have to be found. It is as within reach as our very breath, yet the mind accompanied by its best friend ego can have us believe that we are lacking if we haven’t found intimate love. The two have been in cahoots for so long that the conversation has increased in volume and managed to infiltrate our concept of whom we are and our self-esteem to the point where we’ve forgotten that love begins within. Everyone says this, but I’ve found it to be quite true. When we practice turning our attention from external desires and begin to cultivate a relationship with ourselves we soon stop reaching out there somewhere for love, and we discover the bounty of love within. It’s okay to get to know ourselves, including those thoughts and desires that occupy more time in our lives than we spend loving ourselves. The truth is, if we do not know whom we are we cannot healthily introduce ourselves to anyone else where there is potential for a love connection. So, we begin not by asking ‘what’s wrong with me,’ but rather, who am I?

Sometimes we need to stop and investigate our desires and from what place we hunger. Are we seeking a relationship because we’re lonely and don’t want to be alone, or because everyone else is in a relationship and we don’t want to be left out, or is it from a place of having the clear intention to join forces with another and explore the way of life together in love, vulnerability, open communication, friendship, and the twists and turns that arise naturally when two distinct personalities with the intention of being together, come together? Because anyone who has been in a long-term relationship knows that it isn’t all bells and whistles. This is a part of learning whom it is we are, yet this isn’t what’s commonly taught at home, and it sure isn’t what we see in movies. We must first understand that reality and fantasy are two different things. The ideaof a relationship or person is quite different from the realityof that relationship and that person. Are we ready to be real? Are we ready to reveal? Are we ready to be naked and exposed to another, or do we just want someone with whom we can occupy space and time? Again, who are you?

I’m inclined to believe there is a reason for the wait, and not that love is eluding us, but that we aren’t yet mirroring the love we truly desire. Ouch. Notice I didn’t say that we aren’t love. I said we’re not yet mirroring, i.e. reflecting, the love we desire. In order to draw to ourselves that which we desire, we have to be that very thing. I refer to the period of time between desire and manifestation as the active interim wherein we actively investigate ourselves and spend time cultivating—or resolving, healing, befriending—whatever we come to discover. Love isn’t eluding us. Love is the very thing with which we entered into this world. It is the fabric of our being, so there’s no way that love is eluding us. It’s teaching us how to love ourselves, and sometimes that has to happen in ways that feel uncomfortable. Think about it. It is often the discomfort of situations that get our attention and move us in the direction of change. When all seems fine and dandy we may not notice the need for change, and that’s a whole other matter, one where perhaps we’ve gotten too familiar or too comfortable or too assuming.

All things in time.

If you find yourself waiting and waiting, perhaps it’s time to stop waiting and get on with the business of living. It’s time to become active in the interim, preparing yourself for what is on the horizon. Think about it. There are so many single people in this world all feeling similarly and singing the same song, which means there’s no shortage. Life is bountiful. When we begin being in relationship with ourselves we find that we’re no longer waiting or wishing for love, because we’ve encountered it within. Then, like magic, there’s a knock on the door and when we open it there’s a box inside of which there is a note with two words: You’re Ready. ~

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